Adolescence is the period when habits develop, basic skills are learned, social conscience is formed, and the very ability to learn is recognised. While the importance of constitution, innate capacity and stage of maturation cannot be underestimated, it is the learning that shapes the youngster into the distinctive person that he becomes. The youngster tries to learn many things in his own way and puts across his own way and puts across his own ideas however incorrect the ideas may be. The parents should remember not to fight a teenager or condemn him for his ideas of label him as useless thinker etc. Point out the other aspects of the same idea too. Never try to convince the teenager that his idea are stupid or idiotic, because the real danger is that he may believe the parents and become worse in the process. This would only create hostility. It is for the parents to demonstrate to the teenager the right methods of communication and conversation by their own behaviours. Thus learning that takes place in adolescence plays a major role in setting the seal on the person as an unique individual.

Adolescence is the age of inconsistency and ambivalence, full of contradictions such as being artistic, generous and at the same tine being selfish, egoistic, calculating and self centered. They may complain without adequate reason, pick on everyone and make life difficult for others in the house. The parents should understand and listen to their problems without any judgmental / evaluative comments and give the youngster enough opportunity to ventilate their feelings. They would not only be able to come to terms with their frustrations and problems but will feel grateful for this opportunity given to them for verbalizing their feelings.

It is always better to acknowledge than deny the youngster’s feelings, perceptions and experiences. Reflect them back to them. When the youngster is in trouble, the parents have a tendency to act as thought they were the teenager’s prosecutor. They would find excuses and defences for the behavior or the strangers who hurt the youngster. It is important not to do so though it is also not correct to condone the youngster’s misbehaviour. The parents should show that they understand the teenager’s anger, hurt and humiliation, while keeping in mind that it would be easier to resolve incidents and restore peace when emotions have subsided, and that the youngster could be told how, why and what went wrong rather; than taking sides with the person who caused humiliation to the teenager. It is important for the parents to convey this feeling to the youngster that they are available to them for support and help and that the youngster could depend on them.

In almost every situation one finds parents criticising the adolescents for something they have or have not done. Most parental criticisms are unhelpful. It creates anger, resentment and a desire for revenge. Also, the youngster may start condemning himself or herself and find fault with others. They start becoming suspicious of people around them. It should be remembered that most criticisms are unnecessary.

Similarly when a teenager is in difficulty, it is important for the parent to show him or her what should be done in that situation. It would be wrong on parents’ part to attack the youngster’s personality or his character saying that “what else can one expect from a dullard like him”, etc. Criticism of personality or character leads to negative feelings about oneself. Thus the youngster would react with anger and resentment which would in turn make him feel guilty and ask for punishing by acting up, leading to more attack on personality and so on to a vicious circle of criticism-wrong behaviour-more criticism- more wrong behaviour etc.